Last month I was invited to join a panel of neurodiversity experts to discuss ways to support neurodivergent parents in neurodiverse households. How can parents function when they are also neurodivergent? One of the questions I was asked was:

"Is stress on overload when both parents and kids have learning and attention issues?"

You probably already know that the answer is yes. Perhaps this has always been the case for your family, but this doesn't have to be the way.

One of the things we know about neurodiverse households is that parents are at an increased risk of experiencing compassion fatigue, which happens when someone cares so much about the needs of others that they often neglect their own needs. Ongoing exposure to your child's suffering can get in the way of addressing your own needs. This can lead to irritability, frustration, emotional reactivity, losing patience quickly, becoming easily overwhelmed, and parenting burnout.

All these things can impact your relationship with your child and other family members and how each of you copes with stress.

So what can you do to prevent this stress on overload from taking over your neurodiverse household?

Compassion fatigue is preventable and reversible, and there are steps you can take to reduce stressors and create more harmony in your home.

In this Ask the Expert segment, I briefly talked about the ABCs for neurodivergent households.

Remember your ABCs:

(A) Awareness

As a neurodivergent parent, you can reduce the amount of stress experienced in your neurodiverse household by being aware of various factors that can contribute to more positive and negative outcomes.

One of the things to be aware of is your sensory needs and preferences. Perhaps you are familiar with your child’s unique sensory needs and emotional triggers, but do you know when these might clash with your own? How do you stay on top of your sensory needs when your child is having a sensory meltdown? How do you cope when you feel overloaded and need some space, but your child is screaming or needing your attention?

Do you have plans in place to help you navigate these common situations?

One of the things I do to support the families I work with is to help them develop a clear plan to follow when things begin to get rocky in their homes. They can learn to anticipate when the stress is about to ramp up and develop tools to prevent this.

If the parent is needing less stimulation, but their child is needing more stimulation, there are quick tricks, environmental adjustments, or sensory products like weighted blankets or special ear plugs to help modulate these sensory preferences. You can use specific sensory strategies tailored to your needs and your child’s particular preferences. But to do this, you must first become aware of those needs.

It’s also important to be aware of your areas of challenge and be familiar with your weaknesses. If there are skills you need to build for yourself, it's important to be honest with yourself and receive professional support in those areas.

Just like your child needs explicit instruction to work on developing their lagging skills, you also need to give yourself the help and support you need to develop any skills that need improvement. If you never had a chance to build those skills, it is never too late. Family coaching can help with this.

Awareness is not only about knowing what you need to work on but also about maximizing your strengths and your child’s strengths.

You must not forget that just like neurodiverse families can experience double the stress, neurodiverse families can also have double the superpowers. Understand your strengths and see how these can help leverage the weaknesses of other family members. Similarly, be clear on how other family members can support your unique needs.

(B) Balance:

You might have rolled your eyes at me when you read this subtitle. We all know that balance is an elusive concept and something almost impossible to reach fully. But the balance I talk about is not about perfection. Instead, it's about creating scaffolds and strong foundations to anticipate and prevent more stress.

Another thing we know about neurodivergent individuals is that both children and adults benefit from routines and consistency. You and your child are likely to be more successful and have more peace of mind when you have clear patterns and systems to help you navigate daily stressors. We also know this is a common challenge for many neurodivergent individuals.

If you have challenges with Executive Function (EF) skills, these deficiencies can get in the way of how your child learns to build those skills. For example, if you both have difficulty with organization and time management, scheduling and routines will always be a challenge in your household unless you get specific support to address these difficulties.

Once you are aware of these challenges, it is crucial to take immediate action. Investing in yourself and your personal growth is not a luxury; it is a necessary step to having a more balanced and peaceful life in your neurodiverse household.

(C) Connection:

Pay attention to your support systems and surround yourself with other supportive adults, friends, or relatives. Neurodivergent parents tend to isolate themselves. Usually, this happens because of two reasons.

One, life is too busy, and parents don't seem to find the time for social activities. But having strong connections is not only part of having a healthy lifestyle. We are social creatures, we need to connect with others, and it is much easier when those people understand us. It is vital to create the time and space in your life to connect with others and have an outlet to disconnect from the stress of parenting a neurodivergent child.

The other reason neurodivergent parents tend to isolate themselves is because of fear of feeling judged. If this happens to you, do not spend all your time around people that make you question your parenting skills or styles. For example, if your family only spends time with neurotypical families, this can affect how you view yourself and your parenting practices. Your life is not the same as that of neurotypical individuals, so don't compare yourself or your parenting with how neurotypical families function.

Identify and build strong, healthy social networks that feel in alignment with how you want to parent your child. Parenting a neurodivergent child will always be unconventional, so connect with other families that understand your difficulties and can support your growth and emotional and mental health.

Connection is also about connecting all the dots and getting a clear 360-degree view of all the elements and variables that affect your child's progress and your own progress. This helps you identify gaps in your strategies and adjust these as needed.

Beyond ABCs:

Yes, there are also Ds and Es. There's a lot more to this, and there's only so much I can share in a short interview or newsletter. Every neurodivergent household is different, and every family member brings unique challenges, needs, and strengths to the mix.

One of the benefits of my coaching programs is that we work on building strong systems and structures infused with these ABCs + so that parents can focus on their own healing and personal growth while supporting the unique needs of their children in a way that builds confidence and independence for everyone involved.

If you want to learn more about how my coaching programs can support your unique challenges and maximize the strengths of your child and other family members, reach out! I'm opening up two online coaching spots.

My coaching programs support neurodivergent:

• Families
• Individual children/teenagers/college students
• Individual parents
• Individual adults (you don't need to be a parent)

You can find more information about my services here.

I'm also opening up a few spots for people who would like to book a complimentary exploration call. I usually don't offer these calls because of my limited schedule, but because I'm opening a few coaching spots, I'd like to offer you an opportunity to ask questions if you are curious about my work. You can find a time here.

If you are genuinely interested in working together and don't see a time that fits your time zone, drop me a line. I'd be happy to open a different space for you.

Keep in mind that I will be raising my coaching rates this September, but I'm offering a few discounts for those who book an All-Around 360 Degrees Support Package or any monthly coaching programs before July 15th. Also, any families (or adults) who book my services by July 15th will be grandfathered under my current rates for the rest of the year. Feel free to email me with any questions.

All the best,